Dreamy Wonderland

Are you a nice person?

I am a nice person. It's a point of pride I took with me since as long as i can remember.
It's not my intention to brag. But it's a statement I must do to make points out of this post.

I always treat other people nicely.
I thanked people if they had helped me or they had provided me service although I did pay for their service.
I helped my friends if they needed it (the proudest moment was when I was able to teach my friends school stuff and they can understand my explanation)
I smiled at strangers.
my life long dream is to dedicate myself in a non-profit charity orgnization.
Maybe all those points aren't your definition of being nice. But, for me, I think all those gesture are parts of me being nice.
For as long as I can remember, From kindergarten to University, until the company I went internship, I feel that People are really nice too to me.

Right now, I worked in Jakarta.
It's a Harsh World for me. I know it's nothing compared to middle east or other conflict nations.
but it's so much more Harsh than the world that I used to belong.

When I queue for bus, most people here will push me from behind to make sure they would get in the bus or the next bus sooner. It is not uncommon for some people to cut off the queue and not give a damn about other. Until recently, I am always the one who get pushed over and I am so sick at it.
Sure, the bus number is not enough, so people sometimes have to wait longer for bus. But it is not a reason for pushing someone else. That Someone, who is being pushed away, along with any other people also did their shared of waiting.

Right now, this kind of behavior (pushing other and cutting off queue) seems to be the culture of people in here. and what's frustrating is it's not only for waiting bus case. It's actually for every day life scenario.  People pushed over other people and treated other people as obstacle to be pushed over to reached their goal. They will not hesitate or consider whether  their action will cause any injuries or accident for other. (wow, I'm actually using metaphor..!!)

I do not like to push over other people. On the other hand, I also wouldn't like to be the victim in this scenario. Being nice in this real life make it easier for other people to pushed us over, maybe stepped on us when we fell over.
Lately, when I was queuing for bus, I put on the scariest and the most fierce face i have. Also, I try to stand firmer. Whenever I feel slightly pushed by somebody, I immediately pushed back, so he or she will not take me lightly. To tell you the truth, I don't like my current self, despite the decrease 'pushed' I get lately.  I really want to be nice and feel that this world is all rainbows and flowers.

My parents often says that I can't be too nice in the society. I have to learn to defend myself, so I wouldn't get bullied. I was too naive back then. I thought the society is just as nice as the environment I grew up in (from kindergarten to university). Now, I really understand my parents advice.

If this post ever been read by anybody..
Please, from deep inside my heart, please.., can you be nice to other people?
let's try slowly, from one person, expanding to one family, one neighborhood, one district, one city, one country and finally one world.
I just want to feel like when i was younger, where my world is perfect, as i know it, full of kind people; the world where I don't need to be this tough; also the world where I can show kindness to everybody else and not fear of being bullied..

just a little thought of mine.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH...!!!

hahaha.., it must be the most weird title amongst my other posts..
Actually, I'm kind of confused in deciding the title.., so..., don't take the title seriously...
as far as I know, I'm still not a bad person =)

Now.., I'm having trouble starting my post.., aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrgghhh...

hmmm.., here is the thing..
When I watched asian love serials.., many of those stories would go like this :
Female A loved Male A.., but Male A haven't figured out yet that he actually loved female A too..
Then this female A has a very best friend called male B, and this female A is so stupid that she didn't even notice that the male B had a huge crash for her.. Then, after the female A knew the feelings of male B.., she would reject him and wished male B could find a better girl then her, whom is supposed to be Female B.
Now.., I always HATED the Female A in this kind of stories..
I mean, how could she broke the heart of the male B like that.. and, I always felt sympathy for he male B..

Yeah..., I admit that I'm kind of weird, because every other girl would totally support the female A to go after the male A..
It feels like this too when I watched/read twilight, new moon, and eclipse
For this reason.., I hated Isabella Swan very2 much.., hahaha.., while every other girl wants to be bella..., hehehe..
Actually.., I hated her for more reason like: she is kind of exaggerating her feeling towards edward (yeah, maybe I'm not feeling what she felt). she is also very selfish to use Jacob for comforting herself in the absence of edward, yet when edward came back, she don't care about jacob anymore... That's why I hated her so much..
Anyway.., that's just a fictive stories... and that's just my personal opinion And I apologized if any of my opinion have hurt any of bella's fans

now, back to what I'm going to talk about..
I'm now kind of being the female A and I still don't know what to do..
I have a friend and I consider him as a very best friend.. When I'm with him, I laughed all the time because he is the person you can joke to all time round. We are so closed for sometime (that's what I felt), that we joked about almost anything. He is also very clever and I did asked for his help in studies quite a few time, and he would taught me patiently too.. We pretty much would come to any event too..
And, just like the female A, I'm so stupid that I didn't notice that he has some feeling for me..
One night, after studying together till quite late.., he accompanied me walking.., and then he expressed his feeling towards me.
I'm quite shock.., and eventually I rejected him because I had only considered him as a very best friend and brother..
But, actually, for a moment, I think It's kind of nice being appreciated, being cared or loved..

Now, we remain as friends..
but, for some reason.., the closeness has faded..
I don't know whether he is avoiding me or I am avoiding him..
Just like the female A, I want to once again become a close friend with him, just like in the past.., hanging and joking around like silly people in stress condition..

But, I hate myself for being so sensitive and cared about other too much..
When, he said it's fine and told me not to worry about it,
I felt more guilty for hurting him since then..
I afraid I would hurt him by hanging around him and pretending nothing had happened..
So, I restrained myself much..
But, I really2 miss the silly time in the past.., joking around with him and a few other friends..
I don't really know what he feels towards me now.. I don't know if he still wants to be my close friend.. (because, when I was rejected by someone a very long-looooooooooooong time ago.., I felt very shy and I have been avoiding him till now)
I really hoped that he didn't feel like what I did..
And this thing here is driving me crazy..
I wish I had the power to know everything..

now.., the problem is :
Should I hate myself, just like I hated female A???
or
Should I just try learning to like the female A???

:(

this post is about something I have been thinking for the past days.. I've been hesitating whether I should post it in this blog.., considering that maybe some people have known my blog already.
but, I can't stand keeping troubles in my mind.., really.., It's one of my annoying shortcomings.., haha.. I can't tell my parents because it would made them worried much because I'm kind of alone with 3 other friends in an unfamiliar land. I can't tell my friends either because it's not so convenient and I am kind of introvert, maybe..
So, you see, I have no one to tell my troubles.. But, by keeping it in my mind, I think I'll go crazy sooner or later, because It really gets on my nerves everytime I think about it..

so, here we go...

Human values...
how much do we know about human values exactly??
The human values I'm going to talk here are about honesty, sincerety to help each other and also all the other good human values..
Many people told me that I'm kind of naive.. I tend to believe that all people must have their good side. Even though I am told about how bad and how selfish are the people in the grown-up's society, I didn't believe it wholly. Maybe, because I grew up and became friend of a bunch of good people, admirable people.

this few days.., I have seen something that I had been denying all this time..
It's about my friend. actually, I feel uneasy about telling it. Please forgive me.
Just one simple example so that I can go on with my post.
It's about a really simple chore : dish-washing. My friend here only wants to wash only the plate and the spoon which he use. He don't care about others' plates and spoons. Clearly, he won't wash mine.., and I've already proved it. He also don't care about the plates used to prepare the cooking material, let alone the wok used for cooking.
But, when I washed my plate, I would also wash the other plates which were dirty and left unwashed. When I washed my plates, I also washed his plates if he had left it unwashed earlier. I think he knew it and pretend didn't know about it.
I also washed the wok and the plates for uncooked material lots of time, not all the time though.
I'm lucky that one other friend had helped me often. he is nice, really..

I'm not complaining here. I'm not asking him to repay me by washing my plates either. Believe me. I'm just wondering.., why he can't help to wash the wok and plates for cooking material.
Is it that hard to add a few thing to wash..? Or he is just to selfish to help others?
I can't tell and I can't judge...

What I am trying to say here is,
I think, people's from the city, big cities, tend to be selfish.. They will only care about themselves..
I've noticed that they're also calculating.., they don't want to do something that are not their duties or responsibilities.
It's sad.., don't you think..?
While, people from the village have more conscience, sincerity to give and help, and a generous heart.
Look.., I didn't write this post based only on my opinion and the story of my friend..
There is one program of Singapore's Media Corp's channel (channel 8, if I'm not wrong), that I had watched not so long ago.
It's about famous chef who must went to unmodernised small village to cook something and present it to the people there.
You know what??, the people in the village barely knew the chef who was visiting them..
Yet, they (the villagers) gave the chef the best ingredients that the chef asked for, WITHOUT ANY PAYMENT.
They are willing to give out their chicken, best wulong tea leaves for the chief, which I think would benefit them more if they had sold it in the market.
But, They give it away just like that. Impressive, right..?The chef feel very grateful towards the villagers.
When the chef was about to leave.., he cried and said that It was hard to leave these kind villagers. They are kind, sincere in helping and do have a very generous heart. You'll surely hard to find these people in singapore, which citizens are very competitive and calculating.

you see..?

and also another story about the Indonesians TV program, in RCTI channel, called : TOLONG!!
It's a reality show about asking people to help.
here is the episode I've watched :
There is a skinny and filthy woman who bring with her, a basket of flower petal. She said that she picked these flower petals from the graveyard. She intended to sell these petals to get some money.. I forgot what the money was for.
She met a lot of people who reject helping her.
Then, she met a woman with garbage truck, more filthy than her, because she works at a rubbish site. She collect any scrap metal or plastics from rubbish site to sell. She was with a child. She helped the first woman eventually..but, do you know that the second woman (the woman with garbage truck) actually has a more sadder story? Her husband doesn't want to work, so she must goes to work every day. She only earn 6000 rupiahs that day, (which, believe me, is very little of value), but, she gave half of it to the first woman.
Aren't you touched..?
do you think you can find these stories in big city and the big cities' people who have claimed that they are more civilised, educated and live a fine life?
I think, It'll be hard.

I know, I can't judge and claimed all big cities' people to be the bad and heartless people..
I know, there are good and kind people too in there, however little..
I, haven't considered myself as the good, kind, sincere, generous too... I still have much to learn.
Clearly, I'm not generous and sincere enough, considering that I'm writing this story of my friend here..I have much to learn about these human values, and I am willing to learn them. I hope that if someday, I ever took the wrong route, someone out there will be willing to guide me..
I, personally think that, educated people don't mean that they have great degrees, like bachelor, magister, doctorate, Ph.D, or professor.., These degrees don't mean anything if people don't have the good human values and the right attitude of life..
anyway.., that's just my opinion... Everyone's entitled for their opinion, aren't they?
I'd like to hear your's opinion too, if you want to write comment about this post..
so...

p.s. I'm very sorry if my post have offended you, dear readers..
please do forgive and correct me...
thank you..

People, wherever you are from (cities or village).., have you done any goodness to other people today?
please keep remember those good human values that our parents and teachers have always thought us since we were little..
for a better world ahead.., let's work this out together, won't you..?

We often hear people say that "Life is full of choices.."

Girl :

kyaaaaaa..., sudah lama ga nulis...

Hello Bloggie.., mau cerita2 niii...

Roda itu selalu berputar..

Semuanya berawal dari bulan November 2007..

If we had loved or liked someone deeply...

Life's greatest enemy is ourself

Sore ini, saya bersama tiga orang teman saya si VJ, si ASA, dan si DSBF berkunjung ke rumah kompos. Kami berkunjung ke sana dengan tujuan untuk mengurusi GFD dan sekalian melakukan kontrolling singkat terhadap padi-padi SRI yang merupakan tanaman uji coba kami...