Dreamy Wonderland

About three weeks ago.., when my room was recently cleaned.., I found 17 bees flying around in my room..
I was very scared because they seemed to be flying in any direction...
and I need to stress out that : I AM AFRAID OF INSECTS THE MOST..!!!
THEREFORE I HATE, LOATHE THEM VERY23 MUCH!!! Grrrr!!!
and I have to fix the situation myself, because apparently I live far2 away from people that can actually come and help me that instant..

In the end, with much tears and fear (they rhyme, haha), also a can of baygon (insecticide), I kill all of them...
amitabha.., may they be reborn in a better world, and attain enlightenment to become Buddha soon.

What made me curious is, how a bunch of them fly into my room.
I have one open window in my room, to keep the air in my room well-circulated, and to keep my room breezy cold, comfortable for me to sleep.
and outside that window, there is a big tree, and some flower bushes..
I think those bees came because I recently changed my air freshener to flowery smell.., maybe they mistook it for the real flower smell..
What more curious is that they seem to gather around the lamp.., I don't know why...
and many of them injured instantly (I think because they bumped into the HOT lightbulb)
anyhow.., it was a frightening experience..

I, then, bought net and fixed it on my window.., by MYSELF..
then tonight, a bee was able to come in.., hiks2...
and it bump into my night lamp..
So, I think it's injured..
here is the picture...
you can see that it got black and yellow stripes in its back...
And I shudder and got goose bumps every time I see it..

I keep it in a bottle now..
I promise to set it free tomorrow..., but It seem heavily injured.., let's pray that it'll make it..

The lesson learned : don't change ur air freshener..
and BE BRAVE.., hiks2...

The happiest time in life for most people are when they are still babies or toddlers or maybe when they become old senile people with memory disorders, like dementia or alzheimer. When we were babies or toddlers, we haven't understand anything yet, so we didn't have to worry about anything. It is similar too when people get old and senile, because they forget things and live like children.

this is what happened to me..

when I started to go to school.., my mother was very strict to me (which is a good thing..)
I must always finished my homework, studied for the next day's lesson.. , and did my very best in school.. (because, if I didn't or if I got a bad grade, I would get caned.., hahaha.., :P, and I hate punishment because it's humiliating, to me)
I guess my mom taught me well..
then, slowly, When all of these became habits..,
I always worried about tests, despite my efforts to prepare it well..
I got anxious about my assignments grade, tests grade and exams grades..,
and at the end of every semester, I would worried that whether I will pass on the next grade..
this continued until I finished my junior high school.

When I had to move to Jakarta for Senior High School..
I worried that I couldn't live separated from my parents..
I worried that I couldn't enroll into the school that has been chosen for me.., I worried that I would embarrassed my parents.., I worried that I might let them down..

When I was finally accepted by that high school..,
I worried that I would not be able to keep up with the high standards of my school..
I worried that I couldn't get along with others because I still got a weird Accent from my hometown (my nickname in school was 'Riau' because of my accent)..
I worried that I couldn't graduate from that school..
I worried about what major should I be studying, when I graduate..
I worried about what university should I be in..
I worried that I couldn't pass the university enrollment exams..
I worried about all those fees that my parents would have to pay for me..

When I finally graduate from high school, and came to ITB..
I worried about living far-far away from my parents, without any relatives
I worried that I can't keep up with other friends, academicly
I was worried if I could pass every subject that I took.. I worried about calculus, physics, chemistry, thermodynamics, mass and energy balance, fluid mechanics, utility systems, transport phenomena, Heat transfer, chemical reaction technic, and many more..

(Image is taken from www.funnyjunk.com)

So far.., all of my worries are proven wrong..
I am so thankful that all my worries never became true..
maybe it's because I gave out my special efforts to prevent my worries from happening.. or maybe I did something good, and Buddha blessed me with good karma.., or maybe it's happening coincidentally.., or maybe it happened for some reasons that I wouldn't understand. Anyhow.., I am so thankful.



speaking of which.., I found an interesting phrase :
"WORRYING WORKS!!!
90% of the things I worry about, never happen"
(taken from : www.zazzle.com)

Worries are the most detestable things in the whole wide world.. It came to every people and is hard to be controlled on.
I guess.., for a person to be 100% free of worries, he or she must become monk.., leave everything in the world.., never worry again about anything, live in peace only to be enlightened, to become Buddha

I, on the other hand, never master the skill to control my worries..., hiks2..
I worry relentlessly.. I do wish I could kick this habit out.
Now.., when I almost finish my study here...
I worry about my research project..
I worry about my seminar
I worry about the comprehensive exam
I worry about what should I do if I graduate
I worry if I can't get any jobs.. T.T

(image taken from www.doctorramey.com)

Let's hope that all of my worries now will prove to be all right in the near future..
i will work hard for it.
I promise.

To : my mom.., mama yang paling paling paling paling paling hebaaaaattt di seluruh duniaaaa :)

selamat ulang tahunnn :')
maaf, tahun ini ga bisa ngerayain bareng mama.., seperti tahun laluu.. :'(
semoga tetap cantikk.., sehat-sehat, dan bahagia selaluu... :)

trims selalu siap mendengarkan cerita-ceritaku..
trims selalu ada untuk ak ketika ak sedihh dan nangiss..,
trims selalu menghiburku ketika ak gagal..,
trims selalu percaya kpd ku.., walaupun ak sering ga percaya kepada kemampuanku sendiri...
trims untuk segala-galanyaa...
Ga akan ada aku yg sekarang kalo ga ada mama..

maafkan ak masih cengeng, suka ngerepotin dan bikin khawatir di umur yg sudah sebesar iniii..., hehe :P

SELAMAT ULANG TAHUNNN, ma... :)
love you and father the most in this world..

tears, kisses and hugs from distance... :')

Li ling :)