Dreamy Wonderland

hiii, my blog...
again, I apologize for neglecting you for a long time..

I haven't been able to sleep..
then I thought of writing u, while listening to mellow music.., It's Perfect setting!! (except that I am touched by those lyrics and crying right now, hahaha)

hmm, I think I want to write about personality for this post.
How much does a person really know about his or her personality??
I just realize that even I don't know me very well..

Since I was very small, I knew that I am a shy person, thus lead to my quiet personality..
also, I think because many people that I encountered with, as i was growing up, didn't very like talkative person. So I became quiet in order for them not to dislike me so much. I don't know why.
but recently, I feel that I want to tell all my story, all my experience, maybe just limited to certain people who are close to me.., Still..
I think I can be talkative, but I held back.

also, when I was growing up, I decided that I had to be an independent person..
I was so sure that I succeed in being independent..
But lately I also feel that I am not! I want to depend on other and I can't stop wondering how nice it would be to have someone to depend on and be spoiled..

Two things that I had gotten very right 'bout myself was I am a very timid person and I absolutely love to cry.
I cry all the time, I don't know where I had gotten this personality because both my mom and dad are very tough person. Still I would cry when I listen to touching songs (like right now) or watch some sad film, or woke up from a bad dream.

A perfect example that was the inspiration of my post is
Two days ago, I had a very bad dream and it felt very real. I was crying in my dream and I am very thankful that I woke up finally. But, I was so scared that I can't stop crying even I had woke up. I want to tell on someone, but I didn't want to scare my parents or made them worry. I can't call my friends too, so I ended up crying alone and can't sleep until that morning T.T
Deep inside my heart, I really wanted to talk to someone, told them about my nightmare and be calmed down by him or her.

I guess I am now what I am, not because I willingly choose to be, but rather I was forced by myself to be so.
If that is really the case, can it still be call as personality?, I wonder..