Dreamy Wonderland

yeah, it's had been a long time again since my last post..
I think I won't make empty promises again about how I would blog more regularly..,  hehe

for now, I'd like to share a song that I love very much..
I knew this song from watching "friends" serial. It was played on steel drum on Phoebe's Wedding.
and I fell in love with this song instantly..
I think I want to have the same instrumental music in my wedding, if I am ever fortunate enough to have it..,, hehe

It's called "here, there and everywhere" by beatles. They're really really good compared to the singer nowadays.
So, just try to enjoy it..
I am pretty confident that you'll love it as much as I do..





These are the lyrics in case you wanted to sing along :

Here, There And Everywhere"

till next post then..
i'll try to not make you wait too long =)

Are you a nice person?

I am a nice person. It's a point of pride I took with me since as long as i can remember.
It's not my intention to brag. But it's a statement I must do to make points out of this post.

I always treat other people nicely.
I thanked people if they had helped me or they had provided me service although I did pay for their service.
I helped my friends if they needed it (the proudest moment was when I was able to teach my friends school stuff and they can understand my explanation)
I smiled at strangers.
my life long dream is to dedicate myself in a non-profit charity orgnization.
Maybe all those points aren't your definition of being nice. But, for me, I think all those gesture are parts of me being nice.
For as long as I can remember, From kindergarten to University, until the company I went internship, I feel that People are really nice too to me.

Right now, I worked in Jakarta.
It's a Harsh World for me. I know it's nothing compared to middle east or other conflict nations.
but it's so much more Harsh than the world that I used to belong.

When I queue for bus, most people here will push me from behind to make sure they would get in the bus or the next bus sooner. It is not uncommon for some people to cut off the queue and not give a damn about other. Until recently, I am always the one who get pushed over and I am so sick at it.
Sure, the bus number is not enough, so people sometimes have to wait longer for bus. But it is not a reason for pushing someone else. That Someone, who is being pushed away, along with any other people also did their shared of waiting.

Right now, this kind of behavior (pushing other and cutting off queue) seems to be the culture of people in here. and what's frustrating is it's not only for waiting bus case. It's actually for every day life scenario.  People pushed over other people and treated other people as obstacle to be pushed over to reached their goal. They will not hesitate or consider whether  their action will cause any injuries or accident for other. (wow, I'm actually using metaphor..!!)

I do not like to push over other people. On the other hand, I also wouldn't like to be the victim in this scenario. Being nice in this real life make it easier for other people to pushed us over, maybe stepped on us when we fell over.
Lately, when I was queuing for bus, I put on the scariest and the most fierce face i have. Also, I try to stand firmer. Whenever I feel slightly pushed by somebody, I immediately pushed back, so he or she will not take me lightly. To tell you the truth, I don't like my current self, despite the decrease 'pushed' I get lately.  I really want to be nice and feel that this world is all rainbows and flowers.

My parents often says that I can't be too nice in the society. I have to learn to defend myself, so I wouldn't get bullied. I was too naive back then. I thought the society is just as nice as the environment I grew up in (from kindergarten to university). Now, I really understand my parents advice.

If this post ever been read by anybody..
Please, from deep inside my heart, please.., can you be nice to other people?
let's try slowly, from one person, expanding to one family, one neighborhood, one district, one city, one country and finally one world.
I just want to feel like when i was younger, where my world is perfect, as i know it, full of kind people; the world where I don't need to be this tough; also the world where I can show kindness to everybody else and not fear of being bullied..

just a little thought of mine.

Hi all..

It's been a long time again.., sorryyy.. :P
Nearly a year have past by. During that blog-vacant time, I was internshiping and busy feeling deppressed over so so so many unsucessful job-hunting.., tee hee.. :P

My grandmother had also passed away last October, and our big family is still in the mouring period.

Now, I have got a job as a safety engineer. I quite like the title of my job, because it has got the word "engineer". Somehow, it gave an awesome impression to other people that I am an engineer, who solve difficult things, haha.., please don't laugh at me. The truth is i haven't really know anything yet and am still learning. 

I am having a really hard time at adapting to new environment in my office though. I am still trying vey hard to become more close with them. sigh.

Chinese New year had also passed recently, last sunday, on February 10th. It's the year of snake. I had always love the year of snake, because i was born in one. me and my fam can't celebrate it this year though, because we are still in the mourning period for my grandmother. But, I am hapy enough that we can gather and eat together. My parents had also came to Jakarta and I am happy that I can keep them company while they're here. They have gone home now and I am very sad.

Valentine's day is also coming near. *sigh again.

And also, I am beginning to feel embarassed by this template of the blog. do you think it's still age appropriate? I think it is like the blog of a sixteen year old girl.
Should I be getting a more mature theme template for my blog? should I alsoo change the title
any thoughts, anyone?


Wishing you a prosporeous snake-year. :)

Hi everyone (not sure though if anyone is reading my blog)...
Sorry for abandoning my blog for almost half year now.., hehe

I had officially graduated and got a title : "Bachelor of science" from Chemical Engineering major in ITB.. hehe..
If you had been following my blog for all this time, you will know how much I struggle (complain also) to finish this stage of education. [for example: read this maybe].

Actually, I forgot about when did I host my research seminar. Also, I remember taking some photos, but sorry, I just couldn't find it. Then me and my friends had to took the comprehensive test, which required enormous effort in preparation.
We took the exam on October, 3rd 2011.

These are our looks upon finishing the exams (from 8 a.m to 5 p.m)

And finally on the next day, one of the most nerve-wrecking day of my life, we were gathered, ready for "slaughtering ceremony" by our lecturer, hahaha

In room X-239, awaiting our destiny

Then, upon learning that, all of us have passed the test, we hugged each other joyfully.. :). Our hard work had paid off.. :)

This is Us, the October's compressors. We have achieved the rare phenomena of 100% conversion of "Compression".. :)

Look how happy we all are!!

Then, of course for about three weeks, starting that night, we began to celebrate and visit various places. maybe Ill save it for another post.

Then we had our graduation celebration night and graduation ceremony. For graduation celebration night, we are dressed as greek people. here are some pictures.

preparation.

Aren't we fabulous?? :P

Here are some pics at the graduation ceremony.

91-93-95

93 - 94 - 95

93

Chemical Engineers ITB, Batch October 2011

me and dad

Readyy....

settt....

Goooo... I actually cover up my face (~_____~")

My favorite photo. <3 <3 <3 - Marilyn, S.T.

hehe.. that's all about my graduation..!!

I stilll have more photos, believe me!! :)

huaaaaaa..., pengen nangis terusss... T.T

What do you think?? :)

About three weeks ago.., when my room was recently cleaned.., I found 17 bees flying around in my room..
I was very scared because they seemed to be flying in any direction...
and I need to stress out that : I AM AFRAID OF INSECTS THE MOST..!!!
THEREFORE I HATE, LOATHE THEM VERY23 MUCH!!! Grrrr!!!
and I have to fix the situation myself, because apparently I live far2 away from people that can actually come and help me that instant..

In the end, with much tears and fear (they rhyme, haha), also a can of baygon (insecticide), I kill all of them...
amitabha.., may they be reborn in a better world, and attain enlightenment to become Buddha soon.

What made me curious is, how a bunch of them fly into my room.
I have one open window in my room, to keep the air in my room well-circulated, and to keep my room breezy cold, comfortable for me to sleep.
and outside that window, there is a big tree, and some flower bushes..
I think those bees came because I recently changed my air freshener to flowery smell.., maybe they mistook it for the real flower smell..
What more curious is that they seem to gather around the lamp.., I don't know why...
and many of them injured instantly (I think because they bumped into the HOT lightbulb)
anyhow.., it was a frightening experience..

I, then, bought net and fixed it on my window.., by MYSELF..
then tonight, a bee was able to come in.., hiks2...
and it bump into my night lamp..
So, I think it's injured..
here is the picture...
you can see that it got black and yellow stripes in its back...
And I shudder and got goose bumps every time I see it..

I keep it in a bottle now..
I promise to set it free tomorrow..., but It seem heavily injured.., let's pray that it'll make it..

The lesson learned : don't change ur air freshener..
and BE BRAVE.., hiks2...

The happiest time in life for most people are when they are still babies or toddlers or maybe when they become old senile people with memory disorders, like dementia or alzheimer. When we were babies or toddlers, we haven't understand anything yet, so we didn't have to worry about anything. It is similar too when people get old and senile, because they forget things and live like children.

this is what happened to me..

when I started to go to school.., my mother was very strict to me (which is a good thing..)
I must always finished my homework, studied for the next day's lesson.. , and did my very best in school.. (because, if I didn't or if I got a bad grade, I would get caned.., hahaha.., :P, and I hate punishment because it's humiliating, to me)
I guess my mom taught me well..
then, slowly, When all of these became habits..,
I always worried about tests, despite my efforts to prepare it well..
I got anxious about my assignments grade, tests grade and exams grades..,
and at the end of every semester, I would worried that whether I will pass on the next grade..
this continued until I finished my junior high school.

When I had to move to Jakarta for Senior High School..
I worried that I couldn't live separated from my parents..
I worried that I couldn't enroll into the school that has been chosen for me.., I worried that I would embarrassed my parents.., I worried that I might let them down..

When I was finally accepted by that high school..,
I worried that I would not be able to keep up with the high standards of my school..
I worried that I couldn't get along with others because I still got a weird Accent from my hometown (my nickname in school was 'Riau' because of my accent)..
I worried that I couldn't graduate from that school..
I worried about what major should I be studying, when I graduate..
I worried about what university should I be in..
I worried that I couldn't pass the university enrollment exams..
I worried about all those fees that my parents would have to pay for me..

When I finally graduate from high school, and came to ITB..
I worried about living far-far away from my parents, without any relatives
I worried that I can't keep up with other friends, academicly
I was worried if I could pass every subject that I took.. I worried about calculus, physics, chemistry, thermodynamics, mass and energy balance, fluid mechanics, utility systems, transport phenomena, Heat transfer, chemical reaction technic, and many more..

(Image is taken from www.funnyjunk.com)

So far.., all of my worries are proven wrong..
I am so thankful that all my worries never became true..
maybe it's because I gave out my special efforts to prevent my worries from happening.. or maybe I did something good, and Buddha blessed me with good karma.., or maybe it's happening coincidentally.., or maybe it happened for some reasons that I wouldn't understand. Anyhow.., I am so thankful.



speaking of which.., I found an interesting phrase :
"WORRYING WORKS!!!
90% of the things I worry about, never happen"
(taken from : www.zazzle.com)

Worries are the most detestable things in the whole wide world.. It came to every people and is hard to be controlled on.
I guess.., for a person to be 100% free of worries, he or she must become monk.., leave everything in the world.., never worry again about anything, live in peace only to be enlightened, to become Buddha

I, on the other hand, never master the skill to control my worries..., hiks2..
I worry relentlessly.. I do wish I could kick this habit out.
Now.., when I almost finish my study here...
I worry about my research project..
I worry about my seminar
I worry about the comprehensive exam
I worry about what should I do if I graduate
I worry if I can't get any jobs.. T.T

(image taken from www.doctorramey.com)

Let's hope that all of my worries now will prove to be all right in the near future..
i will work hard for it.
I promise.

To : my mom.., mama yang paling paling paling paling paling hebaaaaattt di seluruh duniaaaa :)

selamat ulang tahunnn :')
maaf, tahun ini ga bisa ngerayain bareng mama.., seperti tahun laluu.. :'(
semoga tetap cantikk.., sehat-sehat, dan bahagia selaluu... :)

trims selalu siap mendengarkan cerita-ceritaku..
trims selalu ada untuk ak ketika ak sedihh dan nangiss..,
trims selalu menghiburku ketika ak gagal..,
trims selalu percaya kpd ku.., walaupun ak sering ga percaya kepada kemampuanku sendiri...
trims untuk segala-galanyaa...
Ga akan ada aku yg sekarang kalo ga ada mama..

maafkan ak masih cengeng, suka ngerepotin dan bikin khawatir di umur yg sudah sebesar iniii..., hehe :P

SELAMAT ULANG TAHUNNN, ma... :)
love you and father the most in this world..

tears, kisses and hugs from distance... :')

Li ling :)

Oh.., and by the way..
I created flickr account..
I love to take photos, but I don't understand art, so I can't edit it yet.., still learning.

please check it out if you had the time :

http://www.flickr.com/photos/marilyn_ong23/ 


and please give comment, I am still an amateur, very new in photography..

Thanks before :)

hiii, my blog...
again, I apologize for neglecting you for a long time..

I haven't been able to sleep..
then I thought of writing u, while listening to mellow music.., It's Perfect setting!! (except that I am touched by those lyrics and crying right now, hahaha)

hmm, I think I want to write about personality for this post.
How much does a person really know about his or her personality??
I just realize that even I don't know me very well..

Since I was very small, I knew that I am a shy person, thus lead to my quiet personality..
also, I think because many people that I encountered with, as i was growing up, didn't very like talkative person. So I became quiet in order for them not to dislike me so much. I don't know why.
but recently, I feel that I want to tell all my story, all my experience, maybe just limited to certain people who are close to me.., Still..
I think I can be talkative, but I held back.

also, when I was growing up, I decided that I had to be an independent person..
I was so sure that I succeed in being independent..
But lately I also feel that I am not! I want to depend on other and I can't stop wondering how nice it would be to have someone to depend on and be spoiled..

Two things that I had gotten very right 'bout myself was I am a very timid person and I absolutely love to cry.
I cry all the time, I don't know where I had gotten this personality because both my mom and dad are very tough person. Still I would cry when I listen to touching songs (like right now) or watch some sad film, or woke up from a bad dream.

A perfect example that was the inspiration of my post is
Two days ago, I had a very bad dream and it felt very real. I was crying in my dream and I am very thankful that I woke up finally. But, I was so scared that I can't stop crying even I had woke up. I want to tell on someone, but I didn't want to scare my parents or made them worry. I can't call my friends too, so I ended up crying alone and can't sleep until that morning T.T
Deep inside my heart, I really wanted to talk to someone, told them about my nightmare and be calmed down by him or her.

I guess I am now what I am, not because I willingly choose to be, but rather I was forced by myself to be so.
If that is really the case, can it still be call as personality?, I wonder..

just in love with the bright blue sky and the waterfall ^^

hiks2.., I miss getting together with my family... :'(

As always.., I have difficulty in deciding the suitable title..

and, as always too.., I will start this post with the reasons of why I had neglected this blog again
and, yes..
it's the same reasons as previously stated.., I was (and still am) busy with school thingies.., and bla bla bla..
so, let's skip that..

hmm, there's nothing new and special to write about..
I think I cried more than usual..., i don't know why..
I guess I miss my family.., but It could also been caused by stress..

it's just sad, pathetic and hurtful to lie to myself in order to keep others happy.
T.T


~Marilyn~

"if one can not control its own minds, then he shall be controlled by them"

huaaaaa....

when i want to start believing and have faith in something, then a small portion of my mind started to make me lose faith in it

and

when i want to lose both hope and faith, my mind would also convince me that there is still a glimmer of hope, and I shouldn't give up so easily...


but, I am tired of hoping and every disappointment is hurtful
*sigh

but I believe one day later I will go past it..., everything will be over and I would know the last result. It's just that maybe now is the time to prepare for either best or worst results.
still hoping for the best results though.

Hello again bloggie..., I'm very sorry for neglecting u these past few months..
I'm sorry that I kept making lame excuses to postpone what I had been intending to write..
Now, it's less than an hour until new year, year of 2011
I'm in my own home, in Tanjung Balai Karimun, but, I'm alone only with my beloved mum and with you, bloggie, hikss2... My dad is in Taiwan currently, accompanying my grandma (his mum) to watch fireworks.
and that's a little about me..,
now, let's get back to more serious topic.

A week ago, when I came back to my hometown, I received a very bad news.., that was the wife of the youngest brother of my grandfather from my father side (is it confusing??, hehehe) was dying. she had many serious illness like diabetes, kidney's failure and many more. Later that night, my mum took me to her house to pray for her, to "send" her away with chants so that she could follow Buddha to a better place. She did passed away when we are praying for her, after hanging on difficultly (she breathed very difficultly in the last moment) for quite a long time. I felt very sad, because when I was young, me and my siblings would ate her noodles or kwetiau almost every week.., It was very very delicious. and she is a nice person, very friendly.

After she passed away, I remembered that I had read an article about death, that left a deep impression in me. I wanted to share this article to my blog readers.
That article was taken from a book called "Cerah Setiap Hari, 366 Hari Renungan Pencerahan"
(it was translated to Indonesian from the original book named "The Daily Enlightenment")
It was a book about matters to think on every single day, based on Buddhism, written by Shen Shian.
Now, I will try to translate back to English, to share it with all of you. Please note that this is not the original script of the book, Its purely my work, so please understand if there are any mistake.
here it is.

1. The designer of the ship, who looked like he's in fault, very sad, and remorseful; pondering over his mistakes; and let other people saved their lives with emergency boats
2. The capten of the ship, looked very attached, trapped by his broken reputation and his dreams which will never again came true. He hold his hat, not planning to save himself and wait for his death.
3. The bad guy who tried to bribed and cheat to save himself
4. An officer who can not overcome the stress when trying to discipline the panicking crowd. He was forced to shoot a passenger who didn't want to queue up. Feeling remorseful and helpless, he then shot himself.
5. There are also people who jumped straight into the sea, swam to chase on the leaving boats
6. There are also a bunch of people, who prayed with high spirit, asking for help
7. Most people scrambled to get in the emergency boats
8. There are also people (like Jack and Rose) who wouldn't want to be apart, and don't care about the people in their surrounding
9. and, of course there are also a group of musician who made bistory by playing the music until the end to calmed the panicked people down.

Right on the day we were born, we are each TITANIC which are sinking, we are starting our journey to death. The problem is we never know how much part of the ship is above the water. Have you planned on the way to save yourself? How would you get out of that ship?


There is an ancient proverb from India :
" The most amazing thing in the world is that we all lived as we will still lived tomorrow morning "


one tomorrow in the future, we will not live anymore, and what's frightening is the tomorrrow might be the real tomorrow. Let's hope that we treasure this life and be aware of how to go past life and death. Yes, be aware of it today, because tomorrow might be too late.


Yes, yes, you might had heard about this advice thousands of times. So, would it be like one of those advices? You decide it for yourself
you can start to think of it seriously now, or tomorrow??


That's it. Interesting as well as frightening for me.
what do you think..., I will be happy to hear your opinion about it too, you can write it in comment box. or email directly to : 'enchanting_lotus230489@yahoo.com'
yes, yes, yes, I am indeed a lotus maniac, hihihihi

anyway, I think my post is maybe appropriate to end a year but, is unauspicious to start a new year..
so here, I want to wish all of you a very happy new year...
may you all stay happy and healthy for a long time...
and may you are closer to reach your dreams..

Happy New Year Everyone...!!!
be blessed.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAA..., MARILYYYYYYYYNNNNN...

At first, I thought that I would write this post in English.., you know.., to practice my english..

Bloggie.., so much thing to tell...

Bloggie.., 早安。。

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH...!!!

hahaha.., it must be the most weird title amongst my other posts..
Actually, I'm kind of confused in deciding the title.., so..., don't take the title seriously...
as far as I know, I'm still not a bad person =)

Now.., I'm having trouble starting my post.., aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrgghhh...

hmmm.., here is the thing..
When I watched asian love serials.., many of those stories would go like this :
Female A loved Male A.., but Male A haven't figured out yet that he actually loved female A too..
Then this female A has a very best friend called male B, and this female A is so stupid that she didn't even notice that the male B had a huge crash for her.. Then, after the female A knew the feelings of male B.., she would reject him and wished male B could find a better girl then her, whom is supposed to be Female B.
Now.., I always HATED the Female A in this kind of stories..
I mean, how could she broke the heart of the male B like that.. and, I always felt sympathy for he male B..

Yeah..., I admit that I'm kind of weird, because every other girl would totally support the female A to go after the male A..
It feels like this too when I watched/read twilight, new moon, and eclipse
For this reason.., I hated Isabella Swan very2 much.., hahaha.., while every other girl wants to be bella..., hehehe..
Actually.., I hated her for more reason like: she is kind of exaggerating her feeling towards edward (yeah, maybe I'm not feeling what she felt). she is also very selfish to use Jacob for comforting herself in the absence of edward, yet when edward came back, she don't care about jacob anymore... That's why I hated her so much..
Anyway.., that's just a fictive stories... and that's just my personal opinion And I apologized if any of my opinion have hurt any of bella's fans

now, back to what I'm going to talk about..
I'm now kind of being the female A and I still don't know what to do..
I have a friend and I consider him as a very best friend.. When I'm with him, I laughed all the time because he is the person you can joke to all time round. We are so closed for sometime (that's what I felt), that we joked about almost anything. He is also very clever and I did asked for his help in studies quite a few time, and he would taught me patiently too.. We pretty much would come to any event too..
And, just like the female A, I'm so stupid that I didn't notice that he has some feeling for me..
One night, after studying together till quite late.., he accompanied me walking.., and then he expressed his feeling towards me.
I'm quite shock.., and eventually I rejected him because I had only considered him as a very best friend and brother..
But, actually, for a moment, I think It's kind of nice being appreciated, being cared or loved..

Now, we remain as friends..
but, for some reason.., the closeness has faded..
I don't know whether he is avoiding me or I am avoiding him..
Just like the female A, I want to once again become a close friend with him, just like in the past.., hanging and joking around like silly people in stress condition..

But, I hate myself for being so sensitive and cared about other too much..
When, he said it's fine and told me not to worry about it,
I felt more guilty for hurting him since then..
I afraid I would hurt him by hanging around him and pretending nothing had happened..
So, I restrained myself much..
But, I really2 miss the silly time in the past.., joking around with him and a few other friends..
I don't really know what he feels towards me now.. I don't know if he still wants to be my close friend.. (because, when I was rejected by someone a very long-looooooooooooong time ago.., I felt very shy and I have been avoiding him till now)
I really hoped that he didn't feel like what I did..
And this thing here is driving me crazy..
I wish I had the power to know everything..

now.., the problem is :
Should I hate myself, just like I hated female A???
or
Should I just try learning to like the female A???

:(